The Mystery of Sincerity.

If someone came up to me at any time and they asked what I valued most in any relationship, even if I was half asleep and my brain could barely function enough to remember what day it was, I could answer that particular question without hesitating: SINCERITY. Funny how the word 'sincerity' roles off the tongue quite easily, but how difficult it is for many to actually let the rest of the words rolling off that same tongue be anything but sincere. I don't always get it. Actually, most of the time I think I do, but in those moments when this interesting concept begins to feel like a mystery that can't be solved, I remind myself of another word whose meaning holds enough power to bring about a sense of fear, and that word is...VULNERABILITY.

Sincerity and Vulnerability, they're like fraternal twins, and in order for that comparison to work, they have to be two very distinct ideas that are born at about the same time. First comes Vulnerability, it often follows feelings of timidity; it may even be accompanied by a tad bit of fear...then it decides to show its face ever so slowly. Vulnerability takes awhile to develop. It requires its vessel to be mature enough to abandon any qualms so that it can fully embrace it. Once it is known, Sincerity can then become a verb, though it was only a noun before.

Basically, I think that is how it goes. Oh, yep, I know what you're thinking...and I agree! I left out so many other details, like those that accompany individuality! I'm speaking in general terms, though. Based on observations, and reflections about my own life, I've come to believe that vulnerability and sincerity exist for each other. As I mentioned before, it takes so much time for someone to trust another someone enough before they can allow for vulnerability to enter the relationship. Vulnerability requires us to have faith in people. And often times we come with our own unwritten requirement sheet listing all the tests the other person must pass before we can even entertain the thought of being vulnerable with them. It's a safety mechanism. So, in the meantime, before we can be anywhere near vulnerable, we have to show the parts of ourselves that we feel are 1) easy to handle 2) socially acceptable and 3) far from boring. It's like being the hostess; you must keep the visitor entertained, happy, and comfortable. It's only when you finally invite the visitor to stay forever that you start becoming comfortable enough to let them see the dust bunnies under the furniture (because you really do get tired of having to clean them up, since you normally don't do it anyway). And when that guest takes-up your offer to stay forever, that's when sincerity walks right in without knocking...and you're okay with it.

Doesn't that sound like how it kinda works? You know what cliche's coming to mind right about now, the one that really irks me, even though it tends to hold a lot of truth: "You always hurt the ones you love." How stupid is that? It makes absolutely no sense...and yet, I hate to admit it, in some strange way it does. We know they're going to stick around. They're not visitors anymore, they actually want to stay, but why is it that they get moved from the comfortable guest room to the rat-infested attic? I guess it's because they passed the test that suggested they'd always be accepting of our behavior because they love us? Sad. Isn't it? But this is when it moves from being genuinely sincere to ridiculously wrong.

Now that I've reflected on the idea of relationships a little more, I can see how I was slightly off- target when I started this entry...because what's the point in valuing sincerity in a relationship if there isn't any unconditional love there to sustain its existence in the first place? Basically, going back to the visitor analogy, why is it that when the visitor becomes a permanent resident, we move them into the attic and stop cleaning up the dust bunnies? Why do we become comfortable with their acceptance of our mess? Sure, they should be forgiving of our messes/faults because they love us, but on the same note, our love for them should give us the incentive to vacuum under the sofa, and let them continue to stay in the best room in our home...Because, as another cliche holds, it really is a two way street.

I firmly believe that if any relationship is going to thrive, sincerity, complete vulnerability, and unconditional love must serve as its foundation. Sure, as I mentioned earlier, many people have a hard time being vulnerable and sincere, but what we all struggle with is loving unconditionally. This means, as the word suggests, that we must show it ALL THE TIME, even when the dust bunnies are around. Unconditional love takes on many forms; sometimes it's simply a matter of being more patient, or actively listening, BUT it's definitely always about forgiveness. We have to be willing to fully accept apologies when they are offered to us, because if we don't, we become resentful, cold, and closed-off. Once that happens, there is really no way for sincerity or vulnerability to exist in any current or future relationship. How can it? When we refuse to forgive, we coddle the negative memories; they even consume us to the point that we don't allow ourselves to trust anyone else due to the fear we have of being hurt again.

(Random Side note: This is part of the reason why I write, to learn more about myself, to figure it out...believe me, you, I am a SLOW learner!)