Staying focused, remaining hopeful.

As I write this, I am typing on my laptop very close to my bathroom. I'm sorry if I'm a bit too forward, but we all get sick; at one point or another, our lives revolve around a little porcelain god (aka the toilet bowl). Yes, the abdominal cramping is still here, but so is that distinguishable flicker in the dark, the single ray of hope that keeps me going....somehow. To clarify this situation (add an h to that word [situation], right before i, and you'll really know what I'm talkin' about ), bile acts as a laxative, and since my gallbladder is gone (and the gallbladder's job is to hold all that bile) it's basically headed straight for my colon and intestines. Lovely picture, isn't the human body fascinating? Now I miss my little gallbladder so much, he may have been tiny compared to the rest of my organs, but he obviously played a very important role as far as my digestive system is concerned. I miss that little green monster, but he had to go. The pathologist who examined my gallbladder made it official, after its removal he diagnosed it with chronic gallbladder disease.

Now that I've given you a run-down of how things are literally running down (don't you just love my imagery?), I'll move on to the more important issue at hand, all the while remembering to throw in a little humor because it keeps sanity entertained enough to stick around, especially in times like these.

Hope, it's a little word, but as I previously mentioned, my gallbladder was pretty small too. Don't underestimate the power of small things. It's the small things that help us get by, and they usually play a very vital role in our lives, whether we acknowledge it or not. Just one quick prayer, one second of capturing a negative thought and replacing it with a better one, one thoughtless phrase that could be spoken in anger, but it's held back instead -- they all make a world of difference, and as I get older, I'm realizing it more and more. All those examples I just gave, I've put them each into practice even though doing so is usually a struggle. Still, that sour taste in my mouth, it isn't from acid indigestion, it's from the words I've said that I've regretted saying...but oddly enough, it's also from the negative thing's life's served me on a platter, what I've blindly stuck in my mouth and spat back out after choking on the bones. I've come to accept that we all need to choke sometimes, just so that we can remember how much we take breathing for granted.

So what's life serving me today? The main dish is stomach pain, followed by my choice of either an unhealthy portion of complaining or an ulcer causing bowl of worry... but oh yeah, on the other side of the table, what I have to get up and get for myself, is that satisfying and sustaining serving of hope. I think I'll take that, at least for now (sometimes I forget to look around and realize I have other options, don't we all?). I'm getting up now, crawling of course, because of that awful dish of stomach pain that was on today's menu...but I'm making it to the other side of the table...there's still sight of hope, I can see it. Guess what? There's plenty left for the rest of those dining with me today, and I have a feeling it's on everyone else's table too.

It's not easy, remaining hopeful during the tough times is a challenge. But I'm up for it; hopefully I'll come to that same conclusion tomorrow.